our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
