fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
