redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
