Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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