Tell her she can't have a vagina
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
