Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
