I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
