Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
