just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You need Xanax blowdarts
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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