You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
