4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
