Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
