This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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