dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
