i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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