I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
