Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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