do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
