theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
