allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
