batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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