you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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