Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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