I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
