I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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