I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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