grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
