1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
