I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
