that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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