Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
