My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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