I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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