Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
