Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
