just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
