Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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