My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
