Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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