She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is my gift to your gina
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
