Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
