I heard we made out
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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