i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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