My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
