A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
