I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I love you. Go after that dick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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