i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
