I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
