Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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