its not stalking. its research.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to make out with him forever
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
