I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't turn off my feet"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
