I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
