I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
