I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
